F.U.C.K!
you're doing everything on your own accord okay! i didn't hold a gun pointing at you forcing you to do all this okay! no one is forcing you. moreover, i can't do it too. all you know is nag, everyday nag, you not tired mehs? i respect you, so i kept quiet, i know that you're tired, you're sick, you're getting weaker and weaker, so i let you be. i kept quiet for every single thing you said. by asking you to stop doing and i'll do it later, not only you didn't say a good word, but turned around and scold till i'm like some fucking spoilt child who don't even give a damn. come on, you say things till like that, you think i want to continue helping? pull my fucking confidence down.
thats why your daughter, me, NICOLETTE MAH SOK EE, is so loss in confidence!
the house is in total mess, i know. didn't i try helping too? i did. but you always get so impatient and pek chek with things and i always gets the scoldings. i'm the smallest at home, but that doesn't mean i have to bear everything. you know that i don't like naggings, and you, yourself said you don't like to nag, but you're always nagging, then don't nag, let everything be it. when its getting worse and i don't feel comfortable with it, i'll know what to do. just don't open your mouth, don't comment on everything you see. i know its all for my own good. but
the more you nag, the more i hate it.i will want to do everything on my own. but did you give me a chance? you didn't even try it and you said its impossible. nothing is impossible. don't i envy my friends with their own room? don't i envy them staying in a good environment? don't i want to be in those kind of environment? i want, and i know the problems we're facing, thats why i didn't ask for much. and i don't care if the house is a big or small one, a condo or a jumbo or executive, i just want the house to be a better place, to be a better environment.
i know our financial problem, i know brother wanted that room so badly, me, myself i wanted it so badly too! but i have to let him have it because of some stupid reasons he gives and you, being soft-hearted so you come telling me all sorts of things.so fine, i'll share room with you.
tell me, how am i going to study and get good grades under this environment? whenever i reached home, i see that table of mine, which is used for doing homework and revising, i don't even feel like touching it. i need to go out and study because i can't study at home. i can't stay up with the lights on as you have to sleep, so how?
i'm always out as you said, you can go out too, its just that you don't want to. so why nag at me?
you all are giving me alot of stress.
EVERYTHING,STRESSED. i'm going really mad! problems in school, you*, family, everything! don't push me to a corner or else don't blame me for being nasty.
don't i want everything to be good?
stop saying i'm following brother's footsteps. he goes his, i goes mine. don't compare me with him, and also the others. i hate comparisons. i'm no longer that little girl already. i'm 16 this year already, i know how to think. and ya, i'm no longer that nicolette already. )=
new year is coming, i just want to enjoy till the op. because i can't do any hyper activities for like a few weeks? i have to have rest. but i'm really stressed up! really. i'm breaking down in anytime. if not for my friends cheering me up, if not i'm going to feel even terrible. really worst. eveythings making my mind going bersak!
& again, i shed just for you..
